Life after Death for Albus Dumbledore
by MasterDumbledore
Summary: The REAL events behind the death of Dumbledore. A story of intrigue, mystery, mollops and the secret lives of the portraits of Hogwarts. Yes, yes this is a parody of the most disturbing sort. Come and see and be frightened. So so frightened. Set postHB
1. Death of Albus

The REAL events behind the death of Dumbledore. A story of intrigue, mystery, mollops and the secret lives of the portraits of Hogwarts. Yes, yes this is a parody of the most disturbing sort. Come and see and be frightened. So so frightened. Set post-HBP, mainly canon following. You have been warned.

A/N: This story is obviously owned by JK Rowling, or at least the content within. I do not own anyof the characters although I wish I knew them but that is different.The storyline of this insane parody belongsto mewho has given myself permission to post it .

(insert clip from HBP from when Dumbledore is thrown off tower by killing curse)

Snape's POV:

_I hope you know what you're doing, you barmy old codger, _Snape sent via occlumens / legillimens connection to Dumbledore as they stood off. Snape had just burst onto the scene of the Astronomy Tower, immediately taking in that Draco was unable to kill him and that Dumbledore was "dying". Of course this all was going exactly as they had expected. Both knew that Draco would be unable to kill Dumbledore, had counted on it actually.

_Of course I know what I am doing you greasy git, just "kill" me so we can get on with it. Harry's off to the side under his invisibility cloak and I'm getting cold, _Dumbledore sent back with a barely perceptible twinkle in his eye to show that he was playing with him. He was cramped, cold and hated holding the position he was in to show that he was weak and defenseless.

A flash of hatred ran through Severus' eyes as Dumbledore called him his hated nickname across the connection, even though he knew he was playing and it was just the push he needed. _FINE, gawd, whiny old man,_ he shot back as he yelled the killing curse, being careful to modify his intent just enough to have it blast the man back and off the precipice, but not actually do anything worse than stun him; thus causing the spell on Harry to shake off.

Dumbledore's POV:

_Wheeeeeeee, thanks Sev! _Dumbledore shot back as he tumbled head over heals down the length of the astronomy tower. He counted to 5 and then cast a spell to soften the impact and landed gently on the ground on his back. He allowed the spinning in his head to stop before he stood and brushed himself off gracefully. Well, as gracefully as a 150-year old man could move.

He then glanced around making sure that Hagrid was out in the forest hunting down some of the attacking death eaters. He then saw the log that he had placed earlier behind a bush and summoned it to him. The log was roughly the size of a grown man and he quickly transfigured it into a doppelganger in his image, making sure that its limbs were properly splayed and broken and his glasses askew. That finished, he moved quickly across the grounds in the dead of night, knowing he wouldn't have much time before the fighting broke out of the castle.

He knew this of course because Dumbledore was anything but unprepared. Earlier that day he had used a time turner to go forward and then backward to make sure of the timing of all events. Ahhh, the privileges of being respected in the ministry. He of course had laid out all the props, the log and such, knowing exactly when he would need them. Now he moved behind Hagrid's hut, knowing that the window was open and Fang was present.

He gripped the sill of the window, and worked to heft himself up, his chicken-like legs flailing in the air as he managed to elbow up and throw himself in, tumbling to the floor next to Fang, who proceeded to lick him excessively. He used his beard to mop up the moisture and patted the dog fondly on the head. He then made his way over to the fireplace, glad that there was a fire already going and used the floo to get to his office.

He stepped gracefully out of the fireplace in his office, nodding politely to Fawkes while popping a lemon drop in his mouth before he stepped up onto his desk, using the gaudy chairs around it. He looked to his familiar as he gently grasped the glass door that was hanging open. "You know what to do, Fawkes. Thankfully you don't complain as much as Severus," he complimented. The bird cocked its head and looked at him, giving him a clear "you are absolutely insane" look but simply trilled at him, waiting until the old man had flailed his way INTO the open portrait before taking flight out an open window to do his Phoenix Song when Dumbledore's "body" was found.

Dumbledore huffed and puffed, attempting to catch his breath from the exertion from shimmying into the portrait opening and reached out, groping in the air till he managed to grab the end of the glass and pull it towards him. He then securely latched it from the inside and looked out around his previous office before noticing his new surroundings.

He had a wingback chair in front of the glass with a small side table next to it. Upon the table were two bowls; one containing his beloved lemon drops and the other containing the rather malicious licorice snaps. Behind the chair was a Hogwarts Crest-based tapestry and a perch for Fawkes when he showed up after the funeral. He smiled and noticed narrow corridors leading from either side of the small room he was allotted, which were designed to magically expand for the inhabitants of the portrait-world.

Of course he could leave the portrait at any time, but hell, who would want to? When the headmasters entered the portraits they stopped aging and would only continue to age if they left the portrait area. He adjusted himself and straightened himself up, waving to Phineas Nigellus who simply sneered at him and he looked up. He noticed by the clock that quite a bit of time had passed since he had entered the office and Minerva was due in the office at any moment to prepare for the conference with the ministry.

Like clockwork, Dumbledore heard the Gargoyle statue jump aside for Minerva and quickly moved to sit in his seat at the front of the portrait and pretended to be asleep, perfecting his snore right then and there. He thought he heard Phineas mutter "show-off", but dared not spare him a glance as Minerva walked into the office and appeared startled that he was indeed asleep in the portrait. She quickly wiped a tear away that trailed down her cheek and regained her composure as she moved to the desk and sat, preparing what she would say to the ministry and the governor's, a chill running down her spine at the terribly beautiful lament of Fawkes echoing through the grounds.


	2. Portrait Hide and Seek

A/N There are some slight obscenities in this chapter, nothing too graphic but interesting nonetheless.

* * *

Hiding out in his small house Severus sat by the fire staring into the flames in the pit. In one hand, he held a glass of Fire Whiskey and in the other, he tightly gripped his wand. His mind rambled over the events of a few nights ago; he could not shake the fact that Dumbledore was dead and yet not dead. Taking another swig of fire whiskey, he closed his eyes and let the warmth of the fire and the alcohol wash over him. Slowly he drifted off to sleep and dreamt of past days at Hogwarts.

flashback

It was a dreary day in the Potions classroom of Hogwarts, the students of Gryffindor and Slytherin were in groups trying to mix a proper _draught of living death_ potion. Severus knows this potion is too advanced for most of the 5th years but he wanted to do it anyway. Soon there is a loud bang and a few screams from several of the girls and a few of the boys. Snape turned around to see what all the commotion was and noticed the raised hand of Hermione. "Yes Ms. Granger, what is it? Surely you of all people would not have messed this potion up." Severus questioned snidely.

"Um, Professor we have a loose penis over here," Hermione stammered in reply glancing down at the ground next to her with a blush, looking at a prone figure at her feet that was hidden by the shadow of a table

"What do you mean, Granger?" Snape asked, sure he had not heard the prudish bookworm correctly, as he stepped away from his desk and strode towards Hermione and Neville's table.

"Well, Neville put in the Murkweed before he should have and well the explosion caused his..his…thing to slide down his leg and onto the floor." Hermione said, taking a step away, her blush deepening.

The entire class began to rush over to see before Snape raised his hand to stop them. He walked around to Hermione's side of the table and saw Mr. Longbottom on the floor holding his crotch, unconscious. Hermione worriedly glanced up at Snape, "Should we take him to the Infirmary?"

"No we shall just leave him there, it will grow back…eventually." Severus intoned with a hidden grin and walked back to his own desk.

In complete shock that he had said that, Hermione turned to Harry who was standing next to her and hit him in the arm. "Take it and stuff it back into his pants." She said whispering.

"What? No way! I won't do it, I'm not going to touch Neville's penis, that's his to touch and besides that is just wrong!" Harry whispered back doing a wonderful impression of a fish.

"Oh for goodness sakes, you've got one so it should not be a problem for you to touch one!" Hermione said tapping Harry on his chest with her index finger.

"No I will not do it."

"For the sake of the poor guy, just do it Harry."

"Fine, but you owe me big time for this Hermione." Harry said stepping around her and kneeled down next to Neville.

"Oh, is Potter going to help poor Longbottom with his problem?" Draco chimed in after watching the entire scene unfold.

Hermione gave Draco the usual glare before turning her attention back to Harry. He hesitated a few times before he reached down with his head turned over his shoulder and attempted to grab the loose penis. The penis quickly sprouted arms and legs and tried to get away from Harry, reacting swiftly he grasped the flailing manhood. Reaching with his other hand Harry pulled up the waistband of Neville's pants and shoved the detached appendage into the pants. Grimacing at this action Harry stood up quickly and marched hastily out of the potions classroom.

Snape sat straight up and stared into the fire. He rubbed his eyes with his wand still in hand and groaned. Taking another drink of Fire whiskey, he got up to leave and go to Hogwarts to try to talk to Dumbledore.

* * *

Dumbledore awoke suddenly from his sleep, getting slightly cramped in his small picture frame. Unlocking the glass, he pushed it open and glanced around the office. Sliding down onto the floor of his cubby, Dumbledore swung his legs and scooted towards the edge of the picture. Turning around onto his stomach Dumbledore slid down onto the desk. He landed with a thud onto the desk and knocked over the bowl of Lemon drops in the process.

Looking down to his feet, he frowned and jumped off the desk. Pointing his wand at the glass, it swung close and latched shut. He flicked his wand again at the sprawl of lemon drops and the reassembled themselves into the bowl and hopped back onto the desk. Phineas placed his hand over his face and shook his head. "What are you doing?" Phineas asked leaning forward in his chair.

"I am going for a walk around the grounds, do you mind?" Dumbledore said glancing at him before popping a lemon drop in his mouth with a smile. He then walked over to where the pensive lay in its enclave, and tapped the mirror behind it.

The mirror turned around to reveal a large map of Hogwarts. He touched the roaming icon of peeves and dragged it over to the infirmary and into Madame Pomfrey's office with his fingertip. He tapped on the bubble that said speech and spoke clearly, "Pomfrey, Professor Dumbledore wants to play a game of hide and seek, and says tag you're it," before moving Peeves to the third floor corridor and making him fill the key holes with wads of gum.

Madame Pomfrey scratched her head and moved out of the infirmary and into the hallways, lighting her wand she began to search the portraits. Dumbledore tapped the map again and it turned back into the mirror. He grabbed another lemon drop off the desk before heading out the door. He started down the stairs meeting Minerva along the way. "Oh, hello Minerva, I'm off to play Hide and Seek with Poppy before Snape arrives. Do be sure to let him into the office if I do not return in time. Thanks."

He continued his trip down the stairs, paying no more attention to the woman. Minerva waved a limp hand and groggily mumbled something before stopping abruptly, turning back around, and then walking into the office. Blinking blankly she sat down behind the desk and fell asleep, not even realizing she had run into the supposedly dead Headmaster.

Dumbledore tiptoed quietly through the halls being careful not to wake any of the portraits. He found the statue of the humpback witch and slid behind it. Crouching down he waited patiently for Poppy to find him. Hearing the sound of footsteps at the other end of the hallway Dumbledore held his breath. The soft glow of a lumos incantation reached his gaze and the dark from of Severus stared at him. "Professor what are you doing, aren't you suppose to be in your portrait?" Snape questioned, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

Dumbledore held his fingers to his lip and shushed Snape. "Shhh, be quiet…I am playing hide and seek with Poppy; go away before I am caught." Dumbledore said with a child-like grin as he waved Snape off.

Snape turned on one heel and blinked a few times before shaking his head and starting to walk back down the hallway. He stopped and marched back to the statue; looking behind it, he could not find Dumbledore there. Rubbing his eyes, he continued towards the Headmaster's office. Dumbledore let out his breath and slid down the wall where he had been bracing himself above Snape as he re-searched the statue.

Dumbledore peered around the statue, making sure Snape was out of sight before coming out. He skittered down the hallway randomly flattening himself against a wall or the floor when he heard the slightest movement, whispering, "Skitter, skitter, skitter," repeatedly as he went. Peering around corners slowly, Dumbledore made sure Poppy was not in sight.

Soon he found an empty portrait, opened up the pane, and stepped inside. Closing it behind him, he continued to skitter through the portraits, ignoring the bizarre looks of the portrait inhabitants. Coming through one portrait that just so happened to lead onto the great hall he watched as poppy turned the corner, giggling loudly. Dumbledore snorted and saw light out of the corner of his eye, hiding behind a tapestry in his current portrait. Poppy giggled on past his portrait completely ignoring him. He peaked out around the tapestry and watched her walk by before skipping off in the opposite direction.

Dumbledore soon came to the portrait of Sir Cadogan, and tripped over the knight's boot. Dumbledore froze and looked around him like a dear caught in the Headlights. Sir Cadogan poked Dumbledore in the butt with his sword. He jumped up and ran off away from him; Sir Cadogan followed his disturber in hot pursuit. Tramping through the portraits, they both made more noise then Dumbledore would have liked. Dumbledore and Sir Cadogan came to a portrait in the first floor corridor when they saw a light coming towards them, Dumbledore pushed open the glass and climbed out.

Sir Cadogan tried to pursue him but was stopped by some unknown force. "Get back here you daft git, no enemy of mine runs away, come here and I'll bite your knee caps off." Dumbledore glanced around the corner to find Poppy staring him in the face. "Professor, how… what… when did you get out of your portrait? " She asked while taking a few steps backwards, peering at him curiously.

Dumbledore scratched the back of his head and grinned. "I suggest we go to your office to explain everything Poppy." Dumbledore said grabbing her by the arm and leading the bewildered mediwitch down the hallway.

* * *

Severus slowly opened the door to the Headmasters office and peered in, seeing Minerva drooling onto a pile of papers he shook his head and sat down near the fire gazing absentmindedly into it. 


	3. Explanations and Pidgeons

Poppy stood in total shock that the Headmaster was standing before her. She sat down in the chair at her desk while Dumbledore hummed in his head, swaying side to side. "So you are telling me that Snape didn't actually kill you and that you are able to go in and out of select portraits throughout the school at free will and look like you are part of the portrait when you're in them?" She said leaning forward with an eyebrow raised.

"Of course! Severus changed the motive behind the killing curse so that it would look like the spell just not have the same effect, quite like when young Harry tried to use the cruciatus on Bellatrix Lestrange, thus he fooled everyone and so did I. Things have to play out as they need to, thus I had to die," Dumbledore said staring at the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"You staged your own death?" Poppy replied appalled.

"Yep. Used a time turner and everything to plan it all out," Dumbledore exclaimed, perkier then he should be.

"You really have lost your mind haven't you?" She said, shaking her head and leaning back in her chair.

"No not all of it, just the part that is serious; I am dead so why should I be serious?" He said looking over at her and stroking his beard.

"I do not know Albus, it is just all too strange." Poppy said getting up from her chair and staring out the window onto the grounds.

"I am no longer Albus, I am now Albizzel. I am going for a more muggle name, the kind that those in the 'hood' use." He said nodding his head in sincerity.

"Well, Albizzel…" she said rolling her eyes. "…I am tired, do you mind heading back to your portrait so I can get some rest and mull things over in my head?"

"I suppose so." He said sticking out his lower lip and getting up from the chair. Sulking he opened the door and sulked out of the infirmary.

Closing the door behind him, he turned to the portrait of the first mediwitch of Hogwarts and opened the pane. Ignoring her odd looks, he climbed in and closed the glass behind him. Dumbledore pouted all the way up to his portrait. When he got to his perch-room, Fawkes was sitting on his post, nesting his head under his wing. Dumbledore looked down into the office, listening to Minerva snore and thee papers on her desk ruffling as she breathed.

He unlocked the glass and pushed it open just part away, he reached to his side table and grabbed a licorice snap; looking down over her, he dropped the snap onto her head. Midway down the snap awoke and latched onto the back of her head. She jumped up and squished the licorice snap against the back of the chair. Snape looked over and shook his head before pushing himself off of the ground where he had sat earlier and dusted himself off. Dumbledore quickly closed the pane and leaned back into his chair before she looked up.

Minerva felt the back of her head and her eyes became very wide when she felt something moist on her hand. Pulling it away, she looked at her hand and was surprised to see that it was covered in black goop. She glanced up above her wondering where it came from, while licking it from her fingers. Snape proceeded to sit at a chair in front of the desk and Minerva stopped mid-lick to stare at him in astonishment. "What are you doing here, traitor?" Minerva exclaimed as she stood and pointed her wand at him.

Sitting calmly, he stared down her wand without flinching and explained, "I am here because I have some things to talk to Dumbledore about, and you should know me better than to think me a traitor."

"Talk to him? He is probably very much asleep, again," she said looking up at the portrait and glaring at the "sleeper".

Snape stood from his seat and stepped away from the desk and moved to a chest beside the desk, suddenly transfixed and seemingly in a trance. He reached down and undid one of the latches. Dumbledore watched from up in his picture and grinned as Minerva lowered her wand, "I wouldn't do that if I were you, traitorous sneak."

Undoing the other latch Snape stepped back as the chest opened. Out came a boggart and it floated for a moment before changing into a wild turkey. Snape stared at it and raised his wand, beginning to tremble he turned around and started to run. The boggart sensed his fear and gobbled after him. Running in circles around the office, Snape paraded around like a Scooby Doo character.

Dumbledore lost all composure, laughed hysterically, and fell out of his chair and tumbled forward and out of the portrait and onto the desk. He landed with a loud _thud,_ scaring Minerva back into her chair. Snape stopped suddenly and was glomped by the turkey who proceeded to nip at his hair. Snape flailed and squealed like a little school girl before Dumbledore changed the boggart into Snape dressed in Neville's grandmother's dress.

The boggart Snape got up and walked back to his trunk, stepped in and closed the lid behind him. Dumbledore latched the trunk and fixed his glasses and robes before popping a lemon drop into Minerva's dangling jaw. Minerva instantly puckered her face at the sourness of the lemon drop, shook her head, and looked at Dumbledore. "How…what…when…?" She asked mumbling.

"Let me explain Minerva." Dumbledore said sitting down in the chair across from her.

"You better explain, to make a woman worry like that and then come to find out that you are still alive!" She pointed her wand at him and he flew up by his heel towards the ceiling.

Dumbledore dangled upside down and watched as his robes fell over his head and hid everything from his view. Minerva gasped to see his chicken legs blinding her in the well-lit office. Minerva turned her head away and let Dumbledore land back in his seat with his robes still tangled around his chest. Standing up briefly, he let his robes fall and adjusted himself back into order. Snape sat down next to Dumbledore and looked over at him. "So Headmaster, what exactly do you want me to do now that your dead and I have no job?" Snape questioned.

"Well, my dear Snivellus I suggest that you become a full time accomplice to the Pigeon Lord," Dumbledore replied grinning.

"The Pigeon Lord? But, there isn't a pigeon lord, Head-- I mean ex-headmaster," Snape stated, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"Oh yes there very much is one, his name is Tom Marvolo Riddle." Dumbledore replied

cackling with laughter.

"Pigeon Lord?" Minerva chimed in.

"Yes, haven't you noticed that he looks quite like a Pigeon and since he claims to be a lord then he shall hence forth and forever more be known as He-who-must-not-coo or The Pigeon Lord Voldemort." Dumbledore said nodding his head in affirmation.

Snape just shook his head and groaned, "So you want me to go to Voldemort and continue being a spy but not a teacher here at Hogwarts?"

"You were here when this all happened, you know that you can never come back except in secret," Minerva said coming out from behind the desk and pacing the office, eyeing Severus.

"Now if you will excuse me, I would like to get back to my portrait and sleep," he said standing up gracefully and stepping onto the chair and then onto the desk.

He grabbed onto the ledge into his portrait and started to pull himself in. His little chicken legs flailed about as he slowly climbed into the picture. Both Minerva and Snape stared at him in bewilderment as the former headmaster acted like he had no bit of sanity left in him. Dumbledore closed the glass and latched it shut, waving to them as it closed.

They both waved back before turning around and rolling their eyes. Snape ran his hand through his hair and walked over to the fireplace, throwing so floo powder in he stepped in and announced "Riddle Mansion." Then he disappeared in a flash of green light and Minerva was left standing in the middle of a freak show. She walked to the door of the office, opened it slowly, and snuck out to get some sleep before she had to deal with the matters at hand.


	4. He who must not coo

Snape appeared semi-gracefully through the floo into the library at the Riddle Mansion, as he came through he knocked over Voldemort who was standing by the fireplace. "Oh hellos Severus, glad to see you have arrived." Voldemort said from under the disheveled Snape.

Pushing himself from off of the Dark lord, Snape stood up and dusted himself off. He reached down and helped Voldemort up from the floor and bowing before him. "Sorry about arriving so late master but I was held up with other matters."

"Not a problem Severus, now that you are "severed" from Hogwarts..." Voldemort snickered, snorted, and slapped his knee in amusement at the small joke he just made.

Snape raised in an eyebrow in concern. "Anyway," Voldemort said regaining composure, "I was looking at my image in the mirror and was contemplating whether or not to apply to be on the Muggle TV serious _The Swan_ and get a makeover, what you think?" Voldemort said glancing in the mirror again and then back at Snape.

"Lord I really don't think that now is the time to be concerned with your looks, don't you think that your current situation will frighten people more?" Snape questioned stepping away from the fire.

"Oh what do you know Snivellus, you are a greasy git and do not need a makeover." Voldemort intoned looking in the mirror and stretching his face one way or the other getting different views of how to change himself.

"You know, I kind of look like a pigeon." Voldemort said raising an eyebrow and turning to face Snape.

"I would disagree sir." Snape said keeping a straight face and trying not to grin.

"You agree and you know it, now for some music." He pointed his wand at the door and several leprechauns appeared in the doorway. "Play me a jig." He ordered.

The leprechauns began to play and Voldemort started to sway with the music, while still facing the mirror. He then jumped around to face Snape, who jumped back startled, and bobbed up and down and began to flap his arms while walking towards Snape like a bird in flight. "I am the lord, the dark lord, the lord of the pigeons; no one opposes me because I will coo at thee and run towards thee causing fear in every face of those who see me, the lord, the dark lord, the lord of the pigeons." Voldemort chanted flapping around the room like a pigeon and cooing while orbiting Snape and doing figure eights.

Snape put the palm of his hand against his head and shook it. _They both have gone insane, Voldemort and Dumbledore the daft coons _he thought. Voldemort was now cooing wildly, jumping on the couch behind Severus, knocking over side tables, and causing a ruckus.

"Come on Snappy poo, come and coo with me." Voldemort said circling around Snape and jutting his head in and out.

Snape just rolled his eyes and walked out of the library and away from the annoying coos of Voldemort. He nodded his head as he walked down the stairs past the slithering Nagini. Snape shook his head as he walked down the stairs, rubbing his temple at the sound of Voldemort cooing as it echoed down the hall. He came upon the parlor and several of the Death Eaters were sitting there drinking fruit punch in china teacups. "Oh hello Severus, what is that noise coming from the library?" Lucius asked.

"Well our lord has lost his sanity and is flapping around the Library pretending to be the lord of the pigeons." Snape said taking a teacup from Crabbe Senior and sitting in an empty side chair.

"Oh so he thinks he is a pigeon this week is it? Well last week he thought that he was a gopher, so it is a change for him I suppose." Goyle Senior said grabbing a peanut butter cookie from the plate sitting on the coffee table.

Lucius idly rubbed his nipples through the fabric of his robe. Snape looked over at him with one eyebrow raised. "Well Narcissa wants me to get my nipples pierced she says that it would be extremely hot, what do you think Severus, how long have you had yours pierced now?" Lucius asked still rubbing his nipples.

"I…well…7 years now." He said defeated and taking another drink of his fruit punch.

"Really, wow, why did you do it?" Crabbe Senior questioned.

"Um, well Umbridge thought that I would be even hotter with pierced nipples." Snape said sighing.

"Wait, so you and Dolores, the ministries Dolores?" Goyle Senior said shocked.

"Yes, but not anymore, it seems that she is having a fling with the Assistant Percy Weasley." Snape replied cringing.

Everyone in the room shuttered and closed their eyes for a brief moment, trying to get out the image of toad Umbridge having sex with thin Percy, before opening them and drinking from their teacups. Soon Nagini slithered under the coffee table and into the kitchen. The echo of Voldemort became increasingly louder down the hallway. Soon Voldemort was in the doorway of the parlor with the band of munchkins (I mean leprechauns) behind him, they were playing _stayin' alive_ by the Bee Gees. Voldemort started to disco with his lips scrunched up.

Voldemort pointed his wand at the lights and shades and they turned off and closed. Then two random lights appeared and Bellatrix and Narcissa in Vegas Show girls outfits holding giant plume fans in front of Voldemort. Pretty show music started to play and the leprechauns were dressed in tuxedos and bow ties. Bellatrix and Narcissa flounced out of the way to reveal Voldemort in a black leather pants and a fish net shirt. The two lights reflecting off his pale skin. The music changed to _Dragostea Din Tei _by O-Zone. He vocalized every word and did a beautifully choreographed dance to it. The two back up dancers followed his every move in unison, while several lesser-known death eaters flashed different colored lights at Voldemort from the tips of their wands from behind the couch. Crabbe and Goyle senior, Severus and Lucius, did a magnificent impression of a fish as Voldemort wrapped up his interpretive dance.

Voldemort did a fabulous heel kick and Bellatrix and Narcissa covered him up again with the plume fans. The lights returned to normal and Voldemort disappeared, leaving them to their fruit punch. The other death eaters walked out of the parlor as if nothing had ever happened.


End file.
